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There are "two" missing in this picture...I wish all "six" of my grand kids could have been together Easter, but life isn't always fair. We still had a great day. Steph's in-laws graciously invited Mike, mom and I for Easter dinner. I contributed by making a ham, new recipe of mac & cheese & the traditional pistachio torte. After lunch and Ivy's much needed nap, I hid "94" plastic eggs filled with goodies, such as money and McD's certificates. I gave each a plastic crayon bank to put their change in. It was a big hit. To make the Easter egg hunt fair, Noah & Carter were told to only find 23 eggs each to give the little ones a chance. It worked out great cause they helped their other brother and sister. Team work! After it was all over, they got almost an equal amount of money.
It was a nice relaxing day but I did feel the loss of my dad not being there. We went by his grave on the way home and put a pot of Easter lilies there. Just another milestone to get through. Another holiday come and gone. I wish things would slow down so I can catch my breath.
Today is my Sister, Diane's Birthday, as well as my son, Nathan's Birthday. I love this picture of Diane with her Grandson's, Evan & Aden, as we were skyping, which we try to do on a daily basis. She is such a devoted "Mommal". I've said it before, but I will say it again, I am so thankful for Skype. We can stay connected as a family and this is worth so much to me. During the loss of our dad, it has been so important to help each other through the hard times and we sit and cry together and feel each others pain. I am especially thankful for Skype because with our mom's hearing problem on the phone, she can sit and talk to Diane and see and hear her so much better. Today, my wish for my Sister is a Glorious day and that she soaks up all of the Blessings her friends and family bestows on her. She is so deserving.
I have been in a Fog since Feb. 12 @ 2:15 a.m. This was the time that my dad told my sister to press the Lifeline alert button on his necklace he wore. He then went into the Coma, from which he would never wake up from. The events that unfolded after that is slowly coming back to my memory. I can be sitting watching t.v., driving in my van, sitting at my desk at work or lying in the bed and all of a sudden a thought of that horrible night will come to mind and I am a mess.....panic, tears and thoughts of hopelessness take over my body. I have beat myself up many times over what ifs. My sister told me that her friend told her that the funeral is the easiest part, which is so true. I felt like I was in a trance during my dad's funeral. I barely remember faces I saw there. It was all in slow motion. I don't remember crying a lot. I felt a peace in knowing my dad was in heaven. I thought that I would crumble at his casket when I first viewed him, but I felt these big arms holding me, and I felt such peace. I felt comfort. I knew I had to be strong for my mom, sister and brother. It's my nature to take care of others. I figured I could crumble in private. I am left now, without my buddy, my dad. He was someone I could count on for anything. I could count on his many phone calls on a daily basis. I could count on going to my answering machine and playing it to say "Rhonda, this is your dad, please give me a call". I could count on a smile and a good morning when I would stop most mornings on my way to work. He would always have the coffee on. I could count on him walking down the hallway towards the bar/counter area where he would sit across from me as we drank our coffee and ate our breakfast that I would sometimes make for him and mom. He loved my french toast. He would always say "thank you baby doll"....He was so appreciative at everything I would do for him. He intentionally saved the ripe bananas in the fruit basket for me, knowing I would make him his favorite banana bread. I can remember many nights staying up late baking, so I could bring him fresh loaves the next morning. I knew how much Joy this brought to him. My mom told me one time that my dad looks forward to me stopping every morning. It's what made him happy to wake up to. I guess you could say I spoiled him. So, what next, I ask myself? I promised my dad when he was in the coma that I would take care of my mom and carry on where he left off. I have big shoes to fill. I will fill them proudly. I will not give up and will find a way out of this Fog I've been in. I have good days and I have bad days. I find myself not wanting to be around a lot of people or even read blogs. It's almost like my life as it was, froze and I'm trying to chisel away and come back to what it use to be. My mom and I started going to a support group at the VNA hospice, which I think is a step in the right direction. We will get through this. We know my dad would want us to carry on. Like my sister said to me, when she was having a hard time yesterday, she felt that dad would say to us.... "Don't worry, Be Happy"
There are "two" missing in this picture...I wish all "six" of my grand kids could have been together Easter, but life isn't always fair. We still had a great day. 
